You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
