STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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