We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
