I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
