4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
