You smell like stripper and shame
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am one with the molecules
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
