somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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