i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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