$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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