She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
