I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
