I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
