i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize