White coat. Heels.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
