In the future we'll all be gay
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
