It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
This can only be settled by a dance off.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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