just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
