There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
