She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
