So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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