First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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