i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
not ubering you a puppy
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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