When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
