Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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