saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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