I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
