I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
