I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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