pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize