i already hear my dad disowning me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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