Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
The air taste purple.
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