This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
