just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
