She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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