u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i just had sex bonerless
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
