i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
