"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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