One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We left the knife in your bed.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
