My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I smell like Dick and happiness
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