My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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