I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
