No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
