My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
