Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
