i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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