we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
