A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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