The maid of honor just puked.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
