just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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