I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
