Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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