I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
