I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
