At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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