I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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