You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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