White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
