K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
