I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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