paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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