And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
ttyl tear gas
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
