Kiss
Puke
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i wish my penis had a tongue
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
