Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
