Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
