I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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