wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
