He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
