Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
