So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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