Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
