no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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