It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Randomize
