Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
