Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
