i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
