A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
