i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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