my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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