Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my being single is dangerous.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
