i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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