i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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