Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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