so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
